Archive for the ‘ Phone Stories from the Dark Side ’ Category

Hi Guy!

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So I kind have not been posting that much recently…

Why you ask, well I have been on the low, attempting to catch that elusive Phoneclise the number jacker. I felt as though somehow he was watching my blog and plotting his moves based on post and the location of said posts, really covert, espionage, cold war type of ish ya see. So, like detective Gorin, Law and Order fans you know who this be, I stopped feeding his ego and no longer posted about his exploits.

Did this work you say, NO! This bad mama jama went and came even closer to home base, by home base I mean the blog cave. Its kind of like the bat cave, but no bats, cleaner, not in a cave at all, no ill car, and in a building that I pay rent at, and receive mail. Sooooo almost just like the bat cave except a few minor changes.

Again you may say, Jirobot! come on you are going way to far with this phone ish, WHATEVER MANNNNNN… I am like 1/4 Native American I can sense when someone is hunting me.

So this dude, and by dude I do not mean the literal meaning but instead the slang meaning, went and set a phone on fire near my means transport, again not a fly ass car with fire for propulsion and that shoots cool little bombs and bullets out of it when in trouble.

Anyways, he lit a phone on fire sending a message to me to back off. It think it is a metaphor of his flaming love for the chase and battle between he and I, no homo, but maybe that is far fetched.

Just know that I see you and I know who you are and that you are reading, I am sure that you even know what I am going to type next.. poop scoop… got ya didn’t see that one…happy meal… got you again. Well its on like DONKEY KONG!!!

P.S. I am Mario who eventually gets to the last level and captures the princes despite all your efforts to stop me from reaching the top. HA!

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I see your Trap and call…

So you know those two oranges I set for a trap? Well they are gone…

You must say dum, dum, dummmm… following that.

Okay, okay maybe a homeless person got hungry, possible. Maybe someone was using the phone and wanted a snack after a long conversation, possible. The argument could even be made that someone calling the phone, wrong number, a passerby answered, out of good intentions, and while saying “Hello” the caller reached through the the phone took the oranges, and in the process popped off the cover, possible.

I would like to beleive that Dr. Phone, previously known as Phonan the Destroyer, saw me leave after my long vigilant night and struck. Touché my archnemisis touché…

What should my next move be… Fingerprints yielded nothing…

Help me out people let me know what you think, how should I proceed?

Game, Set, Trap!

It has been a while since I came across Conan the Phone Destroyer’s handy work, so I decided to strike first and set a trap. That being said, I have no idea what would draw him to a phone so I used oranges!

The idea of using oranges came from the fact that it is a very portable fruit, easy to consume, and the Destoyer’s need for quick energy to continue his rampage on the public telephone sytem.

The trap was set, two oranges set atop a phone that is off a main street supplying possible coverage. I sat in a car just in direct sight of the booth, but out of sight if at the booth.

Two hours pass and only a few people to actually use the phone and one using the bathroom, yes in the phone booth.

Nothing, after the cover of dark fell I was sure the Destroyer never shows. It turns 12:00am and I am done, I can no longer wait. I will just have to fingerprint the area once the oranges are gone.

Hopefully I can get to the bottom of the this!

I NEED TO MAKE A CALL!

Who you gunna call?

Ghost Busters?

Nobody, cause the phone is BROKEN ya jerk!

I will come through this Phone and…

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Phone stories from the dark side returns after a long hiatus

After the last post where I posted a picture of the culprit phone hater of NYC I believe he, or she, got scared and went underground. I received many anonymous calls concerning the where abouts of Conan the Phone Destroyer, but they never paned out.

Today I think he was leaving me a message, the message being” I HAVE GIANT THUMBS”! Okay that shit was funny to me especially when you say it in a giant dumb sounding Hulk voice, HAHAHA!

Well back to the phone destroyer, now I could be completely wrong, but the usual route I take to get to the train home just happened to have a phone still on its hook, but with its buttons ripped out. I am completely open to the possibility that it was just a person with abnormally large thumbs attempting to dial 911. I say they were attempting to get help simply because as they walked down the street, to wherever the were going, they realized, “DAMN I got sum big ass thumbs”a nd thought they should get help! You might say why at that moment would they finally realize they have really large thumbs. Look I am just telling you what could of happened within reason, I have no idea why it took them so long.

It is also very possible that a high school kid, speaking to their mother on the phone informing them that they would be returning home after goin’ with their friends to 42 street to take in a peep show, their mother replied “boy don’t make me jump through this phone”. Simultaneously as this happened the kid thought to himself, “I can’t be a punk in front of my friends. I am going to take the ass woopin when I get home, but I at least would have seen a naked lady tonight!” Thinking he was in no immediate danger he replied “Mom, I will see you when I get home”, as this was being said the mother jumped all off her size 53 waist line self through the phone and gave the kid the ass woopin off his life on the sidewalk and proceed to tell him “When…I…say…to…come..home…I mean…Come HOME!”. She then stepped back through the phone and told the kid he better be home soon.

Now, both of these alternate theories, however possible, are less likely than my archenemey with giant thumbs attempting to dial my phone number and in the process destroying the phone and leaving me his calling card telling me he was back, after haben taken to the underground following my campaign to post numerous posters of his likeness around NYC in my attempt to stop him, or her.

I will leave the decision up to you, the reader, to make but I am going to keep my eyes peeled for Phoneiclease the Barbarian!

Phone Stories from the Dark Side

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You will never believe it I came across another broken fun. Who would of thunk it? This time damage was minimal the phone body was intact but the guts were ripped out.The only reason I happened to see this phone was because as I walked down the street I heard a heavy hacking. I turned the corner and looked and saw this phone with its face ripped off! I attempted to save the thing, but the face was completely removed from the scene.

The amount of anger it requires to tear the face of a poor phone and rip its guts out  is insane. I have a feeling this was a premeditated destruction. I say this because as I held the phone in my hands is whispered its last breath to me. It said Dope Life… I was like wut the? Then it said Bubblegum… again wut the fuuuu?!

Unfortunately I could get no more answers as the phone finally expired. I was sad, I called 311 on my cell phone and reported the incident. They were fully aware of a rash of recent phone killings around the city. The 311 person informed me they had a lead to the location of culprit. I said does Dope Life or Bubble Gum mean anything to you. The line disconnected suddenly.

This ish is crazy, I mean am I the only person seeing this going on? Has this been happening for a while? What the hel is going on? I looked up the word dope life and bubble gum and this is what I found...dopelifeandbubblegum.blogspot.com

I don’t know how this relates to the phone problems happening in the city, but it must mean something?! I am posting this picture around the city on telephone to see if anyone knows more or can provide any leads. julian-on-phone-copy

Please if you know anything more about this leave a comment. All information leading the capturing of the Phony McRing Ring assailant will remain anonymous and will receive a $1.00 reward if the information leads to a conviction.

E.T. Phone Home

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Please note that when reading the title of this post it must be read out loud in the best E.T. voice you can muster.

So, I came across this phone the other day during one of my many walks about the city. Upon seeing this phone I began to wonder about it’s story. This led me to create two possible hypothesis for the phone’s state. A). The person talking on the phone slammed it onto the receiver therefore breaking the phone and releasing huge amounts of energy which then rippled through the streets of NYC causing a minor earthquake on Bradhurst Ave. in the Harlem which shook my dresser causing my lamp to lean further down which in turn hit my fully pose-able Black Ox figurine causing it to fall on its face, or B). The phone was already broken by some cosmic force passing through our earth and a pedestrian happened to find the phone off the hook and decided to place it back on it’s cradle. Please note that either occurrence is highly possible given a set of variables that I shall not calculate for you at this time.

Anyways, after all of this thinking about a broken phone I also thought, “Who the f*%k use a pay phone on the side of the street anymore. Everyone and their unborn child has a cellphone in their hands at all times awaiting the inevitable call from publishers warehouse telling them they have just won one trillion dollars. The other reason for not using the phone would be the GINORMOUS amount of germs on the phone itself!!

By the way I have a slight germ problem…

Well I could go on and on about just why I took a picture of this broken phone on the, but I think I have explained myself enough for now.

Stay tuned to hear more about the cosmic occurrences that may have possibly conspired to cause any number of every day objects to break, fall, or explode for no known reason.